hansson and grace

cranial plagiocephaly - fitting

2011-01-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

The day has finally arrived - it is the fitting session for Jacob's helmet for his flat head. I have been dreading for this day and it's finally here.

I will admit, I felt some sadness when I checked in on him at bedtime last night, knowing that the big day was coming. It's easy to feel "okay" with it when it's not actually a reality! The same thoughts played in my head as I tried to fall asleep last night - Could we have worked harder with tummy time and repositioning and kept him from needing one? Am I a bad mom for letting him lay on him head so much that it got a flat spot? Is the helmet really going to work? Will people stare at him in public?... Well, the thing is, once he got the helmet and we were on our way home, I reminded myself that it's really not that big of a deal at all. Yeah, he has a helmet. So what? In 4 months (hopefully), this will be a distant memory. I may not know the answers to all of the worrisome questions that plague me now and then, but I know that we've made the right decision for our baby.

When we got to the appointment, our orthotist, Bobby, tried the helmet on Jacob's head, and then went over some instructions with me.

We are following a schedule for the first 5 days so his body will get to adjust to the weight and the skin contact with the helmet gradually. (1 hour on/1 hour off, 2 hours on/1 hour off, 4 hours on/1 hour off, etc.) For the first 3 days, he will not be wearing the helmet during sleep. By Day 5, he will start wearing it 23 hours a day and will only have one hour without it while we bath him and clean the helmet. We can take it off for special occasions, important photos, bathtime, etc. - and we have to take it off if she gets sick and has a high fever. We have to clean it once a day, and we can expect it to smell bad, as he'll be sweating into it (yucky…)

I was shocked by how in ease he seemed to be with it on his head. I had read that that was the case, and heard it from friends who have been through this, but I definitely wouldn't have believed it without seeing it. After checking the fit of the helmet to see where it needed to be trimmed down, Bobby took the helmet to make some adjustments to it. Jacob's eyes did not leave the helmet at all when Bobby left with the helmet, as if he was afraid it would be taken away from him!

It took three times of putting the helmet on, and making adjustments to the material inside of it before Bobby was happy with how it fit. From there, we practiced taking it on and off a few times and that was it! We were sent on our way and told to come back in two weeks for a follow up to check his progress.

Jacob seemed to be fine so far. After we left the clinic, he felt asleep in the car rather quickly without much fuss and I felt better.. We would get to see how the progress goes at the follow-up appointment.

He did protested a little in the late afternoon and after dinner and I'm not sure if he was getting uncomfortable or just tired, as he did not nap much, as usual. How can I blame him though?

We are following a schedule for the first 5 days so his body will get to adjust to the weight and the skin contact with the helmet gradually. For the first 3 days, he will not be wearing the helmet during sleep and would get an hour of break after a number of hours. By Day 5, he would be wearing it 23 hours a day and will only have one hour without it while we bath him and clean the helmet.

My biggest worry about the helmet is that with his little head sweating inside of it for 23-hours a day, the smell when we remove it in the evening would be pretty gross. I read on another mom’s blog once that the smell is like a thousand stinky bowling shoes... and that really freaks me out. I am also worried whether the sweat and the heat will make his eczema any worse. As for today, the poor little guy's head was soaked in sweat after just an hour of wear. I don't look forward to tomorrow when he'd be wearing in for 2 hours before an hour of break (instead of just one hour today)... But all I can do is just pray and trust that God is looking after Jacob and that He will give us wisdom along this yet another chapter or the parenthood journey...

One funny thing is that when Ian was home from school and saw Jacob with his helmet on, he said he wanted one also. If he keeps on asking about it, I guess we can get Ian a bike helmet to make him feel special too…

My baby needs a helmet… :(

2011-01-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

At Jacob’s doctor’s visit for a cold back in early December, his pediatrician, Dr. Duh, showed more concern about the back, right side of his head being flat. We had talked about this during his previous well-check appointments but it never sounded to me that it would be something “serious”. So when he suggested a visit to a specialist at the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Santa Clara, I was in complete shock. Most of the time Hansson goes to the doctor visits with us, and when I was being alerted of something so shocking, I was there all alone.

So we took Jacob down to the Kaiser in Santa Clara before Christmas and the specialist told us after the examination that Jacob was 13mm "off" for head shape. Jacob is diagnosed of “infant cranial plagiocephaly (flat head). He suggested that Jacob be fitted for a STARband, the cranial remolding orthosis (helmet) that STAR produces. Choosing to have your baby fit for a helmet is difficult, and I was hestitate. I asked if Jacob’s flat head would hinder his development and if the helmet is mainly for cosmetic purposes. He said yes and I wonder then, whether it is worthwhile at all.

Although I was not certain if I was comfortable with the helmet treatment, I set up an appointment for Jacob and took Jacob in for an assessment today. A scan was performed and a STARbank, the cranial remolding orthosis (helmet), was ordered based on the scan STAR produces.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if a small flat spot on the back of Jacob's head would be a big deal when he was older and had hair to cover it. I did not want to put him through wearing a helmet 23 hours a day for 4 months or more just for a cosmetic problem that could end up to be hidden by his hair. After all, back in the days when we were kids, our flat heads were not treated and was never a good deal to anyone. The orthotist explained to us that Jacob's ears were slightly uneven. So if he ever had to wear glasses or wanted to wear sunglasses, they would be crooked on his face. We were told, the helmet is 100% covered under my insurance (most of the insurance coverage do not cover this, or only 25% of it. Thank God I have been staying on the COBRA coverage from my previous job!) Therefore, it makes total sense for us to move forward and we could stop the treatment anytime if it worsens Jacob’s eczema in any ways.

We'll have Jacob fitted for the helmet and start his treatment when the order arrived in a couple of weeks. Although I am still sad about Jacob having to wear a helmet, I try to stay positive and remind myself that we'll get through it like many other families, and in just a few months, this will all be a distant memory. I pray that we are indeed doing what is the best for him and that he will soon have a pretty round head to show off! I know that my baby Jacob will be cutest helmet-baby ever!

Happy birthday to my sweet Hubby!

2010-12-17T09:19:00.000-08:00

Can't believe you're turning 35! And this is the...18th birthday we celebrated together! Scary thought isn't it? :-)

Wish you a very happy birthday and many more to come! I love you.

I'm speechless...

2010-10-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

So this morning, while I was driving Ian to school...

Ian: Mommy, are you unhappy today?
Me: Well, let's see... I am a little bit unhappy.
Ian: Why, Mommy?
Me: You told me last night you wanted peanut butter on bread for breakfast this morning and you promised you will finish it all without Mommy having to tell you, did you?
Ian: Yes.
Me: And did you finish your breakfast?
Ian: No...
Me: The Bible told us we have to keep our promises and you didn't, so Mommy is unhappy...
Ian: Okay... but Mommy, you are just a little bit unhappy, right? Not very very unhappy...

I didn't know how to respond to my little boy. I always know he's smart and quick to come to "reasoning" but apparently, he's already mastering the skill of pushing our limits... or better yet, getting as close as he can to the limit...

Father, grant me wisdom on how to nurture this smart little boy...

Sleeping through the night for the first time!

2010-10-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

Jacob finally did it! He slept through the night entirely last night... We put him down around 9:20pm after he was nursed to sleep and did not wake up even once until 6:25pm this morning!! Usually he's up numerous time crying for the pacifier or wanting to be nursed, but he finally slept through the night for the very first time!

We were so amazed and are so grateful that God listens to our prayers. It's been exhausted for the last few weeks. I told Hansson, I don't dare to wish to have such wonderful nights every night - just having easy nights three times a week would be such a blessing already!

less than 5 weeks to go...

2010-03-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe that in just about 4 weeks, we will have a new addition to our family! I am getting really nervous about how things will go - when I will go into labor, how Ian will react with a newborn sibling, and how chaotic the first few weeks would be.

I have been having some contractions on and off in the last couple of weeks and I felt more last week when it was bedtime. They were only about 4 minutes apart and lasted a little over a minute each. Fortunately I had only about 5 of them.

We pray that our baby would stay put until April 15 since Daddy would be busy at work until then. Thank God Hansson was able to work out a plan with his boss so he could be working from home for at least part of the day from April 1 to 15... Baby J... Daddy, Mommy and Ian "gor gor" are looking forward to meeting with you in just a few weeks...

Ian moving onto another phase (long overdue...)

2010-03-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

It's been two weeks since we finally moved Ian back to his own room and things have been going pretty good, generally speaking. He has been doing better than we anticipated, given he had been co-sleeping with us for many months and he is turning 3 soon. It's a difficult age to sleep train we were told but our little boy is doing pretty good. For most of the nights in the last 2 weeks, we put him to bed after reading Bible stories with him and singing a few of his favorite hymns. In the first week, I sat next to his bedside and pat him until he was asleep, which took about 30 minutes. He would wake up twice or so overnight and I had to do the same until he fell asleep again. But with my growing belly and aching back, I am having trouble doing so since the toddler bed is very low to the floor and bending for more than 10 minutes makes my belly muscles tighten tremendously. So Hansson took over in putting Ian to sleep and Ian has been waking up usually just once overnight. We are praying that he'll be able to sleep through the night or manage to soothe himself back to sleep before his little brother is here in just 8 weeks, if he will be arriving on-time...

Ian did ended up sleeping in our bed again for a couple of nights during this 2-week period when he was having a low fever. Our little boy is being his old "smart self" and has been telling us he "needs to sleep in the big bed because he's sick/having fever..." It was heartbreaking having to tell him no but I guess that's the thing we experience constantly being a parent... As tough as it is to see his disappointing face, we have to do what has to be done...

just a little over 10 more weeks...

2010-02-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

Time flies... I'm already in my 3rd trimester of my pregnancy and baby #2 will be here in just a little over 10 weeks. I'm getting a bit nervous as there will be not just one, but two little ones, we would have to take care of time around. The other night Ian got really fuzzy overnight and was part-awake and whining (with his eyes closed the entire time) for close to an hour. Hansson joked and said this is a reminder of how we need to get used to getting up all the time when baby #2 arrives.

It's been almost 5 months since I stayed home and I still feel lost at times. We are not sure when I will return to work yet but we are starting to look for preschool for Ian. Still have lots to work on as we need to get him potty-trained before he starts school. And we will be working hard on transiting him to his toddler bed in the next week or so. It's been a challenging time having to co-sleep with Ian during my pregnancy and he's more attached than ever, to a point where these days, he's holding my hand tight and leaving it right next to his face until he's deep asleep. My back aches so much as I have to turn to a certain position but I know when he's finally off to the next stage, sleeping in his own room, I'll miss this precious time, especially those moments when he tells me he loves me.

Mommy loves you so much too, Ian...

away from my baby for the first weekend...

2009-08-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

One more hour before I call it the end of the work week and my first ever getaway from Hansson, without Ian's presence. Hansson has been talking about how excited he is for weeks. I was hesitate, but I guess I do need a day or 2 for myself (with hubby) to recoup from work stress and daily life. So I guess I have been looking forward to this weekend also, until this morning...

As I was saying my usual daily goodbyes to Ian as I got off the car this morning, I was overwhelmed by this saddess - we'll be away for 2 nights and I won't see my little baby until late Sunday... My eyes welled up and I had to turn and walked into the building before I cried...

Little Ian, I know you'll have such a wonderful time with Mai mai and Yeh Yeh as they spoil you with attention and love. Be good and Mommy and Daddy would be home before you know it...

And one more hour, before LA - round 3 this year, all within the last, 3 months... :)

what a tough week... but...

2009-05-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

Thank God the long-awaiting weekend is finally HERE! Hansson has planned this getaway over 2 months ago and has been so excited about this. When he asked me whether I'm looking forward to this trip as much as he is, I told him honestly that, I'm more looking forward to the end of my work day before this mini-break, and I know I'll finally get excited about the trip when the time is finally here...

It's been a tough week and I've been so stressed out about work... just having been getting much help at all and I have no idea what else I can do to make sure I can make the "deadlines" I have been given. I knew I would have to put in even more overtimes this week to meet the deadline, but in a way I was glad because I know I will enjoy my time off even better, if the work is truly completed before I leave.

Well, as I suspect, that didn't happen... meaning I'll have yet another long week to face when I'm back...

But until then, HOORAY for the start my more-than-well-deserved long weekend with my dear hubby and son!!! Stay tune for pictures to come! =-)

Our God is AWESOME!!!

2009-05-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

Our God is awesome, He really is! I always "know" that, in my mind, but I really feel His presence ever so strongly today...

It's been a tough week and I have so many questions in my head. I know He always watches over us and His plan is always the best, although it doesn't make things any easier as we are overcoming all the challenges. But He reminds me so ever gently today, again and again, through people around me, that He is HERE getting me through these difficulties.

God never promises us we will have bright days everyday, but He is always holding my hand, walking through the tunnel until I get to the end of it...

Thank you Lord for loving me, being so patient with me, never giving me up even I am so un-lovable... Please continue to grant me wisdom, courage and strength as I continue to walk in your way...

Wan, thank you so much for your email - it means so much to me...

God Will Make A Way... yes He will...

2009-05-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a few exhausting days... My mind has been running in a hundred-thousand ways every minute and it drains out my mind and soul.

The song "God will Make A Way" came to my mind - I have always loved that song and it brought me to tears in the past more than a few times also. I know clearly in my head that He allows all the challenges that we have been experiencing because we have the ability to overcome them, and that we alway will be a better person as we go through these lessons in life. But I am not going to lie - it has been a difficult time and I can't help it but to wonder, why so much have happened in the last 13 months... Is He trying to tell us something that we didn't get, so He continues to send us more, slapping us in the face so we'll finally wake up??

Father, please open my eyes and ears so that I can see and hear what you want me to see and hear. Grant me the courage and strength to go through this time...

God Will Make A Way

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way, He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness,
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain

He will do something new today.
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

What a totally unexpected Mother’s Day we had this year. Not in the wildest dream I ever imagine myself spending part of my Mother’s Day weekend in the hospital, sitting anxiously by my mom in bed, trying to calm her while I was freaking out myself…

Is it God’s way to remind me how a not-up-to standard daughter I have been? I don’t know the answer and I will never know, until the day I see Him. But Lord I promise you I will try my best to do better, to be a better daughter. Please grant us mercy and allow Mom many healthy years to come…

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I know I haven’t said that enough but I am so grateful for everything you have done for us… Please be good and listen to us, in taking good care of yourself.

Happy Birthday Ian!

2009-03-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

At times I still can't believe I'm a mom of such wonderful (even he's naughty to Hansson and I to the max...) toddler. Ian turns 2 today! God is truly great to us, for allowing Ian in our lives. We can't thank you enough, Lord.

We only had a simple dinner at YehYeh and MahMah's with KungKung, PaoPao Suk Suk, YeeYee and CheungCheung. But we all had a good time just watching Ian running the house with such joy...

I love you Ian, today and always...

my little amigo :-)

2009-02-06T22:33:00.003-08:00

This picture has become one of my all-time favorites!

We were at Pao Pao and Kung Kung's and Yee-yee pulled out this hat from Chevy's - surprisingly Ian didn't pull the hat right the way so I ran to get my camera and managed to tell him to keep in on for a little while...

Doesn't this picture look like it's taken back in the 60s?

it is a scary world out there...

2009-01-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

I am again reminded of how fortunate we really are as I was listening to the news earlier. It was reported that over 6 million people are claiming unemployment in the U.S., and I realized in a sudden that, Hansson could have been one of the 6 millions if he had not landed a job 2 weeks ago. Another story covered during the new was the Australian man was charged with murder after allegedly throwing his four-year-old daughter from a city bridge into a river during peak hour traffic, earlier today. The man, who was "suicidal and in an acute psychiatric state", was believed to be involved in a customdy battle with the girl's mother. It was just heart-aching story that is simply impossible to imagine.

We are in a time where I had never imagined we would witness in our lifetime, that the economy has turned into a recession comparable to the Great Depression, and most of us are concerned about our job security constantly and some are stretching to meet their ends.

It has been a challenging time for every one of us but I thank God for the uncertainties we are facing in the world. I am experiencing and witnessing everyday that He is the one we have to trust. He is teaching me to be thankful and put my focus on Him instead of the scary things that are going on around us. Lord, please continue to teach me not to trust in other unimportant things here on earth but to trust in you alone. Thank you again for loving me even I am so un-lovable.

just another reminder of how fortunate we are...

2009-01-27T23:17:00.001-08:00

Earlier today I talked to a friend who has a son just 2 months younger than Ian and learned that she's taking him therapy since he still has not talked. My heart squeezed as I chatted with her and I can imagine how difficult and worrysome she must be, especially when she's expecting another baby in just 5 months. I didn't know how to comfort her better but to promise her I would remember her in our prayers.

I have always been one who is pessimistic and worried often, and motherhood has brought me even more worries at times. For one, I have always been concerned the fact that Ian is so skinny (he's at 2nd percentile at the last checkup... unbelievable...) and I just couldn't help myself but to wonder if everything is fine with him, especially others always comment about how slim he is. But I constantly remind myself (even unsuccessful in fully convincing my brain so I can stop worrying) that he has to be fine when the doctor assures us he is, and that he is hitting all his developmental milestones and just growing in every aspect, emotionally, physically and intellectually.

When I heard about my friend's boy I prayed to God and thanked Him again for granting Ian health and that he is in fact the naughty and ever energetic boy that gives me headache and makes me sad often, for not listening to me whenever I try to tell him things. In fact just 2 days ago I told Hansson my new year wish is that he is healthy and Hansson added Ian to be a good boy. I repeated myself in that, to me his health comes first than anything else because we can keep on teaching him and hope that we can guide him in the right directions.

Thank you again, Father, for bringing Ian into our lives. Please grant us wisdom, patience and love as we continue to take a big part in Ian's life. We also pray that you will grant wisdom to the doctors/therapists for our friend's boy so he will get the needed assistance soon...

he is counting now... :)

2009-01-25T23:13:00.000-08:00

My boy can count from 1 to 10 (in Chinese) all by himself now! I am so very proud of him and am just amazed how much he has grown in the last few months. I can't believe he's turning 2 in less than 2 months.

Thank you so much, Father, for entrusting Ian in our care - he is the best gift we can ever hope for from you and we are just so blessed with him in our lives.

get well soon, my baby prince...

2009-01-21T14:14:00.000-08:00

Ian got a bad cold since early Sunday morning and has been coughing really bad. It is never easy hearing him suffer and at times it sounds like he would choke from coughing all the stuffy things.

We had a tough night as he woke up at midnight and was just inconsolable. Never would stop him from crying, kicking and moaning, so Hansson suggested us take a little car ride and we left home shortly before 1. He felt asleep after just a few minutes and we returned home after about 20 minutes and placed him back in his crib then we collapsed in bed ourselves. All of a sudden, Ian screamed out this high-pitched cry and I quickly got up to pick him up to soothe him. Thank God he calmed down immediately and said “覺覺” which means sleep sleep in Chinese. I put him down on our bed and he finally fell asleep after a little while.

I hope he will get better soon – Hansson and I are coming down with this horrible cold too and I’m just exhausted from the lack of sleep and the long hours at work. It’s bad enough to be sick but it’s 100 times worse seeing your kid suffering and you are not able to help… Lord please help Ian to get well soon…

a very tired day...

2009-01-15T22:52:00.000-08:00

Back to work after being out for 2 days for jury duty. God was so good to me and granted me a much needed "day off" after I was excused from the jury yesterday - I got much grocery shopping done, dinner prepared and a few of Hansson's dress shirts ironed...

As expected, a hectic day trying to play catch-up at work and it's been tough. again, not getting much guidance while i was "notified" i have to finish another assignment by tomorrow, supposedly. it was a frustrating and discouraging day but God is so kind to me for bringing me a fellow Christian sister at work, sitting right next to me. It is good to be able to talk and vent at the needed time.

I'm quite disappointed that it's likely that I would have to come into work next Monday even MLK is a company holiday also. It's sad not able to spend the day off with family since Hansson would be off too - also his very first MLK holiday since we both started working...

Lord, please grant me patience, courage and confidence to get through these tough days at work...

a present i would never imagine... :)

2009-01-08T22:08:00.000-08:00

Tonight I got a small gift from Hansson's mom that I would never imagine getting... lol...

(For those of you who do not know what this is, it's a Japanese medicine for stomachache and minor digestive discomfort. It is always my preferred medicine when my weak stomach starts acting up...)

It's actually a gift from her student's mom who had just recently travelled to Japan. Apparently Hansson's mom had previously mentioned to this parent who probably is a fans of this medicine also, that her daughter-in-law prefers this over other medicine also. Then a few weeks later, this parent brought this in to her for me from her trip to Japan...

A small gesture from my ever-so-kind-and-loving mother-in-law... :) I thank God for having such an easygoing and joyful MIL who has always loved me as her own.

Thank you Lord!

2009-01-07T22:04:00.001-08:00

It's a wonderful today even though it was again another hectic day at work. Hansson had a 2nd interview on a job he interviewed before Christmas and was offered a position! Praise the Lord for providing everything we need! He is truly great to us. Although Hansson has not decided whether he was to accept the offer, this is a great encouragement and I am so happy for him. (And yes honey, I really am so very excited for you - I am sorry that I was never an expressive person and the work stress work is getting me a little, too... I always have faith in you and I know the right one will be here. :)

a long day at work... beginning of busy season, yet again...

2009-01-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a long day and I didn't leave office until 7:45. I didn't expect to stay late so I was really bummed out that I had to call Hansson when he and Ian were almost by my office and told him to head home without me.

Working overtime has always been part of my work life since I was out from college since it is expected of in the field of public accounting. Obviously that's a big part of the reason I finally left the field - it was never a huge deal even I could feel the insane hours were taking a much bigger toll on me as I age, but now that we have Ian, I just could not bear those work hours. I know I would always have some overtime requirements being in tax, and I have no problem putting the necessary hours in order to get my job done. I only made it clear when I met my boss at interview that, I would need to know ahead of time if I had to stay late at work, or I would have to take the work home if the work is urgent since I have to leave by a certain time to pick up my son.

I was quite frustrated as I am not able to plan my work so I couldn't manage my day better, as I am so new in the company and in the work I am doing. I am so dependent of others for help to get my assignments going since I have no knowledge on the software for running all the reports I need in order to get all the workpapers done. Because of that, I have to constant ask for my coworker to show me how to generate those reports and not until past the usual work hours, I was told I would probably need to stay behind to get the assignment going for the Friday deadline.

I pray that I would have the wisdom in dealing with the overtime issue in a delicate way. On one hand, I don't want to let them assume I can stay late at work without knowing ahead of time, especially that was a concern I had expressed early on. On the other hand, I don't want to appear as if I am unwilling to put in the overtime hours needed, which is not my intention whatsoever. Work will continue to be busy in the future months and I pray that I can manage between work and family - I just don't want to miss all the precious moments with Ian as he is growing ever so fast...

an exciting note...

2009-01-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

It's an exciting day for Pa since he's finally gone through his last chemotherapy treatment this morning!! I can only imagine how relieve he must feel after these past 6 months. =)

He'll have one more surgery in 6 weeks to get his intestine back in place, literally, then he'll be all well after another 6 weeks of rest! We can only praise our Heavenly Father for protecting him and answering to all the prayers from friends and family all over the world. Thank you Lord!

Goodbye, year 2008...

2008-12-31T23:50:00.000-08:00

2008 has been an eventful year and as I think back I realized how much I really have aged this year - my memory has simply gone down the drain - I could hardly recall what happened a month ago, let alone over this year...

Our trip in Hong Kong around Thanksgiving was of course a highlight - this trip was different from any other previously ones. Obviously the biggest difference was that Ian was with us - we couldn't just dine out or meet up with friends whenever we wish, so that was quite a bit of a challenge. But it was a rewarding trip just for Ian to meeting his great-grandparents.

My grandma had aged so much and she does not even recognized me – my heart ached as she thanked me for visiting me (just as she did to others who are not family) and it was sad not able to see her more than once every few years. I saw tears as she was watching Ian running around, shaking her hand and hugging her… I thank God Ian is one loving, outgoing kid and was not shy about meeting Grandma and willing to get close to her and play with her. We also spent time with Hansson’s grandparents, aunts and uncle and had a good time – our trip was planned for Ian to meet our family. We were able to do that and everyone was happy. Yes we didn’t get to eat at any of the places we planned to go and I didn’t get to shop much (I didn’t get even one pair of pants… unbelievable) but I thank God we were able to spend time with family – that’s all it matters.

Hansson got laid off the very first day he returned to work and I guess we were not shocked since there have been rumors about more layoffs to be coming. I am surprised I have not worried too much… well financially anyway. I know we’ll be able to get through it and I know God is teaching us yet another lesson through this challenge. It is difficult going through layoffs and I only pray that God will grant peace in Hansson heart and guide his way.

Ian is soon 22 months and he has grown so much in the last few months and talked a lot more now. It is so amazing seeing how much he is learning everyday and life is truly a miracle as I just think back how tiny he once was and how independent he has become already. Parenthood truly is challenging - I often feel like I'm doing such a poor job as a mom and it’s the ultimate test to my lacking patience. I thank God for granting us such a lovely son and that he is healthy and well. I know God is teaching me everyday through Ian and I pray that God will continue to grant us the wisdom to lead Ian in His way.

It is definitely a year full of blessings and thanksgiving as we thank God for protecting us and carrying all of us in our families through this year, as both of our dads have gone through surgeries. We can only praise Him in awe that both of them were diagnosed promptly and taken care by wonderful doctors and we knew it was only because so many friends have been remember our families in prayers.

God is truly good to us all - Thank you Lord, we can never thank you enough for you have loved us so much, more than anyone ever could.

Let us all welcome the year of 2009, even it will be a challenging year to come. We can do all things with Him who strengthen us!

Merry Christmas, our friends!

2008-12-25T21:24:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone! We wish you and your loved ones a very merry Christmas!

I am been bumped not able to get our family's Christmas card done this year as things were so hectic after we returned from our trip to Hong Kong. It took a good 2 weeks before Ian was finally over his jetlag and he still is not sleeping through the night in his crib yet... But we are grateful we finally managed to take this little family picture on Christmas' Eve, after we spent a few hours at my office since our department had a simple holiday breakfast for everyone and their family, followed by Ian's first picture with Santa Claus. My company has the tradition of Picture with Santa for employees and we thought it would be cute for Ian to have a little picture with Santa. As we were standing in line for the picture, we realized many of the younger kids ended up crying as they got near Santa, understably, as I personally thought Santa looked quite intimidating. But Ian appeared to be fine and kept on waving to Santa and calling him "Pak pak" (which is uncle in Chinese, for uncles who are older than your father). We were impressed with how calm Ian was. Well apparently we spoke/thought too soon - as soon as it was our turn and Hansson was trying to place Ian near Santa, Ian started crying... :) Well we ended up taking a picture with Santa with me holding Ian... as you can see here, Ian didn't exactly look like a happy camper...

I thank God for being able to work in a company where they try to be family-friendly and allow me to be able to spend my Christmas Eve with my family. I thank God He is the reason for the Season and that He is my heavenly Father! I love you Lord.

Counting blessings... Day 7

2008-11-17T22:33:00.001-08:00

Today I was at training in San Ramon and it almost felt like a tougher job to stay awake during class than working in the office. :) I thank God I was able to attend training as utility industry is a total strange land to me.

I am always nervous about driving and I simply avoid that whenever I can. I thank God the Company now has a shuttle that runs from our BART station to the San Ramon office so I did not have to worry about how to get there. I thank God my coworker gave me a ride home and we had a fun conversation also. I thank God we had a delicious dinner at my in-laws' and we didn't have to rush home to cook but was able to eat and laugh as we see Ian playing with his Ma-ma and Yeh-Yeh.

Time to log off now - I really have to finish packing for our trip...

Counting blessings... Day 6

2008-11-16T22:37:00.001-08:00

I thank God we had another nice warm day and we got to worship him freely in this country. There has been so much controvercies in our society these days and we are feeling the pressure being Christians at times. We don't know how our future lay but we know God is in control.

Ian didn't sleep well last night and was fussing much while Bailey was barking on and off all night also. I thank God Ian was finally able to nap in my arms even though it was noisy at the restaurant when we had lunch. I thank God that Dad was able to get to church and had lunch with us after his committee meeting and saw Ian a little more before we leave for vacation. I thank God we got closer to finishing packing and I thank God we were again well-fed by Ma-ma. Ian was enjoying his dinner also and ate quite a bit off from my dinner bowl and Hansson's also. :) We were all glad to see Ian eating more as he is quite lean compared to others at this age. I thank God he is such an energetic and sweet boy and that God has granted this lovely child - I am so happy that he's in my life although I feel exhausted and discouraged at times when I feel like I'm not living up to being the best mom... Thank you Lord for blessing us more than we can imagine. I love you!

Counting blessings... Day 5

2008-11-15T22:29:00.000-08:00

Weekend is finally here - I thank God for the beautiful weather and I got to spend sometime with family. The Lings' headed to have a breakfast together as Ian got a red envelope from an elderly at church through Grandpa, so we decided it was a good time for Ian to take Grannys out for a thank-you treat as Granny have been taking such good care of baby and us. :)
Yee Yee and Yee-Cheung called when we were almost done with breakfast so we got them some food also and headed home. I thank God Ian had a great time while we were able to start packing for our trip. We are excited about seeing our grandparents soon and that Ian can finally meet his great-grandparents. We are (well, I am...) a bit anxious about Ian not having his routine for 3 weeks and what to feed him during this time as there had been plenty of news about food contaminated by melamine. I thank God Hansson is here to remind me not to worry too much and remember this is our exciting vacation and we should just relax and enjoy it.
I thank God for a wonderful day with family. I love you Lord.

Counting blessings... Day 4

2008-11-14T23:11:00.000-08:00

My workday today was even longer than yesterday. Hansson again went to pick up Ian by himself and since I had so much to carry home and I was planning to take BART home after work, he stopped by my office so he could take my stuff home. Ian was calling "Mommy" loud and sharp as soon as he saw me walking towards the car. I stood by the car to chat with me for just a couple of minutes then Hansson started telling him "Mommy has to go back to work and we'll be heading to Granny's to play ok?" Ian started reaching out to me and wailing... It was heartbreaking to see him crying yet I had to just head back to work. I thank God I got to see Ian even it was so ever briefly and I knew he was hoping Mommy could go home with him... I did not leave the office until 9:30 and I felt like a walking corpse by the time I walked out the door. It has been a little while since I worked for so many hours in a day and I could feel my eyes were sore and half of their usual size... another sign of aging... :) I thank God that it is Friday and hopefully my tough workdays are done for now, until I return to work from my vacation.

I thank God I was able to stand behind my principles and stayed late to finish my work as far as I could although coworkers were telling me I should just leave the projects as-is. I thank God it is Friday and I can finally spend quality sometime with Ian and Hansson. I thank God I was able to have a Quiet Time after my late dinner and be reminded we, as parents, are the guilebook for our children. I thank God that we are having a warm weekend so that we can enjoy the sunshine before the cold weather kicks in. Thank you Lord for everything - I love you!

Counting blessings... Day 3

2008-11-14T08:10:00.000-08:00

I got home late last night so I wasn't able to blog until this morning.
I had a long day at work and I didn't leave the office until 8:30pm. It was not what I expected coming into this new job and I certainly was not prepared to be working overtime so much at this time of the year. I thank God even though I often do not get the help I needed at work but there are still people at work where I can get encouragements from. I thank God I have a vacation to look forward to and I would be able to have a family trip with Hansson and Ian, just the 3 of us, for the very first time.

Hansson went to his parents with Ian and had dinner with them while I worked late and I thank God for his parents as they have been always so helpful and we are truly blessed. I had my late dinner while Hansson bathed Ian and I thank God for my hubby who has been always supportive and encouraging.

I thank God Ian was behaving so well in their ride home last night as we were a bit worried he would be crying in the car but Hansson said he told Ian that Mommy was working late and would be home soon when she was done. He did not fuss during the ride and all! I guess our baby has truly turned into a little man now...

I thank God He granted us the strength to carry me through another tough day even though I am weak. I love you Lord!

Counting blessings... Day 2

2008-11-12T22:40:00.000-08:00

I thank God for a good night of sleep as Ian stayed in his crib through the night so Hansson and I were able to get a better night of sleep without having to twist our body to fit all 3 of us in a queen-sized bed. I thank God for letting me to have quality time with Ian during our ride eventhough the daily commute makes us exhausted often. (even more so for Hansson than for me as he has to focus on the road... though I have to be creative in coming with ways to entertain our little prince also.
I thank God for giving me the strength to get through the day as it has been hectic day at work with the upcoming deadline this Friday. I have my moments when I get really frustrated and lost as I wasn't getting the help I needed to get my work done, then I am told to make changes on things I should have been told earlier. But guess I am seeing progress on the projects I have been working on although I'm getting there slower than I hope, and the Friday is just around the corner.
I thank God Ian did not cry today when Hansson again had to pick up Ian without me. I guess deep down I have a slight of sadness also but I would not want my baby to be crying for mommy so sadly everyday... :)
I thank God I was able to have dinner with my family and Ian could spend sometime with Pao-pao and Kung-kung since we are only able to see each other nowadays, if even that. As usual Ian had a blast playing with Yee-yee and Yee-cheung and I thank God for the family time. Being able to get through another day in health with loved ones should never been taken for granted. I love you, God.

Counting blessings... Day 1

2008-11-11T22:52:00.000-08:00

After reading blogs of a good friend, I decided to follow her footstep and start to try blogging an entry each day (I hope I can manage to go on...), to count God's blessings everyday. The last few weeks have been a bit rough for me as work is getting really busy, and being new and not getting as much help as I hope I do, it has been frustrating and stressful. I am hoping I can be reminded and encouraged as I thank God for His endless blessings.
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strenth. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Today is Veteran's Day and it should be one of my company's holiday. But because there is so much work to be done, I went to work anyway. I thank God for the smooth traffic going to work. It was pretty quiet in the office with only about 10 people showed up and I thank God for the peace and quiet. I also thank God for the free lunch we got. :)

I have been staying late at office and not able to go pick up Ian from daycare everyday and Hansson has been telling me that Ian cries whenever he realizes I am not there with Daddy to pick him up. Tonight Hansson told me, as soon as I got in the car as they returned to Downtown to pick me up around 7pm, that Ian cried loud asking for me as soon as he looked down the stairs behind Daddy and I was not there... It really breaks my heart hearing my baby is sad, but I thank God for Ian's sweet smile and loud "MOMMY" calling as soon as he saw me. He gave me a big kiss as soon as I got situated in the car and we sang his favorite children bible songs on our way home.
It is no fun working in a field where overtime is norm rather than exceptions but I thank God for having a job still in the financial crisis we are seeing around us now, so I am able to provide for our family. Thank you Lord for loving us. I love you, Father!

LA/San Diego

2008-07-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

In June we took a short trip down to LA/San Diego - It was Ian's very first flight and he did great! It was a short flight but he did not show much signs of discomfort We hope that he would be able to behave just as good in the future (longer) flights also. :)

We attended a friend's wedding at the beautiful Wayfarers Chapels in Rancho Palos Verdes on Sunday then we drove down to San Diego Monday afternoon after stopping by Irvine to meet with my secondary school friend Wan for lunch. It was a short but very nice catch-up.

During our stay in San Diego we did not have anything plan except for our visit to the San Diego Zoo. We took Grandma to the Seaport Village, Gaslamp district and La Jolla which we visited 3 years ago. We also had a great time swimming with Ian for the very first time. He was a little bit afraid of the surroundings at the beginning but enjoyed it very much soon after. :)

See more pictures here! Enjoy! :)

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day Hansson! You are God's blessing to Ian and me. Thank you so much for being so loving and patient. We love you Daddy! :)

Second Mother's Day

2008-05-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday was my 2nd Mother's Day as a mom. Just a few days ago I went to check our cousin's blog - I couldn't relate anymore than I do to what she had written about motherhood.

I had just gone through a challenging week right before Mother's Day - Ian had developed this unknown rash the previous Sunday night and the pediatrician couldn't determine the cause or what exactly it was. Because it was technically contagious, Ian needed to remain home therefore I took the week off and took care of him at home. It was frustrating not knowing what exactly he got and what we could do to avoid in the future. It was difficult seeing all those red dots over his perfect skin, but thank God it didn't seem like the rash bothered him too much - he was still his usual active self. It is always a challenge to get him to nap at home - it would take me 45 minutes or so to get him to finally asleep, after carrying him and rocking him the entire time, then he would wake up 15 minutes later. Then it would be time to feed him again, and after spending sometime playing with him, he would want to be held again, and after another episode of struggle, hopefully, he would have a real nap...

It is definitely no easy task being a mom. As much as I wish we can put on some weight on our skinny baby, I have to say, maybe God allows Ian to be on the lighter side so my deterioting back would not be more painful than it is now. :) It demands so much emotions and attention and energy to care for a baby, that I feel drained at the end of the day. On top of that, as moms, we received no formal eduation to prepare us as mothers. For those of you who know me, I love reading and obviously, I read a good number of books throughout my pregnancy, trying to get some ideas on what to expect for the upcoming motherhood, trying to prepare myself for what I can, and trying to figure out what is the best thing to do for my baby. There is no manuals I could read to answer "why is he refusing and struggling to fall asleep when he is clearly exhausted?" There is no "standard answer" for all the things you encounter everyday as you care for your child - you would just have keep trying everything you can, and, just when you thought you had figured out one thing, your ever-growing child will be changing and growing, again... :)

I have never been a person with full of patience, and I still am not doing great in this area. When Ian is throwing and dropping his pacifier and every single toys he has on hand and I have to pick them up over and over and OVER, or when he is kicking and pushing me so hard while I try to rock him to sleep or soothe him from his sickness, I wanted to throw a white towel and walked away. I wanted to yell at him and tell him how ungrateful he is for everything I have done for him, and how heartbreaking it feels. These are the times when I remember how my mom might have felt at the times I was ungrateful for things she has done over the years. These are the times when I I realize, our Heavenly Father never gave up on me despite of all my weaknesses and stumbles. These are the times I found comfort and encouragement... and I could tell myself, you must go on as long as you live, as He has not, and will not give up on you...

Even though I never had the kind of exciting and fun-filling life many had when they were younger and unmarried, occasionally I miss the time when we could just go to a nice dinner without planning ahead of time, or leave the house without worrying whether I forget to pack the diaper bag with everything Ian needs. Like everyone had told me when I was pregnant, your life is about to change forever. They were right - my life has changed. My life would be so different without you, Ian. The last 14 months had gone by so fast and I already had plenty of moments when I missed the time when you were so tiny, entirely dependent on me on everything. I pray to God that He would me grant me the patience and wisdom to teach you in joy and see you grow for a long long time.

My baby Ian, I hope you will be with me for a long time and that you would let me hug you and kiss you and tell you that I love you, that your kisses and your smile just melt my heart. Thank you so much for bringing me so much joy in my life. I love you!

days after tax season...

2008-05-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

It's been over 3 weeks since 4/15, the day we had been waiting for months. Numerous friends had asked when they would be able to see a new entry on my blog and I laughed and said, you would see one after I can finally take a breath after tax season.
It turned out the 2 weeks after 4/15 became a bit overwhelming for us... Things are happening one after another... It was a bit ironic that we did not even have one day to relax after 4/15 but thank God for His protection among us and not allowing things to happen prior to our deadlines...

last year today...

2008-03-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

My baby prince was born last year today... i still remember so vividly how nervous i got as my water broke and we had to rush to the hospital. God is truly good to me - Hansson was supposed to be at work that morning (he was already working from home on certain days to be on my side) but he happened to be home with a last minute change of work arrangement. I don't know how desperate and nerve-whecking I would get if I had been home alone... :)

Just a year ago, Ian was a baby who depended on us wholly. He is becoming a toddler today and everyday he demonstrates his growth physically and mentally. After Ian's birth I have been fortunate in uniting with some oldtime friends who are also new mothers and it has been wonderful sharing the excitement and challenges as a mom. We talk about what a blessing it is to have a child, and also how it gets overwhelming at times realizing what an important role we have as parents in shaping our child's life, especially during early childhood. I pray that God will grant me wisdom so that I can help Ian to grow up with the right spiritual/mental/emotional qualities early on in his life.

I thank God for entrusting Ian to our care, to teach us everyday through every little things on how to love unconditionally and endlessly.

At times I still can't believe i am proud mom to a one-year old... Happy birthday Ian! Mom and Dad love you sooooooo much...

my boy said "bye" for the very first time...

2008-03-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

It's been weeks since I updated the blog... work is getting really hectic and I barely have time to get the daily essentials done, let alone having the luxury of time to write the blog... :(

But, I just have to take a minute away from work to write this before I forget (I'm aging drastically these days and am becoming unbelievably forgetful...) - baby Ian said "bye" for the first time this morning, as we were leaving the door from daycare for work this morning. We were waving our goodbyes as usual and all of sudden there was this "bye" coming out! I thought it was Finley (since he always says bye to us) but it was actually Ian! We were all surprised as you can imagine... :)

He is growing so fast (not his weight though...) - I know it is crazy for a mom to be saying this, especially for Chinese who love to say "I hope our kids will grow fast and strong..." It is exciting see how Ian is growing and developing everyday and I am so grateful of our Father granting us this great gift from Heaven; at the same time, deep down there is this slight sadness of realizing, very soon, he will no longer be my baby... (He already is one strong character early on...)

I love you Ian, today and always... I hope you will still let Mommy hugs you years from today...

the many expressions of my baby boy...

2008-02-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

I love all these expressions my baby boy has as he entertains himself in the playpen... :)

my little dancing boy :)

2008-02-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

when fingers/toes/teethers/food are not enough...

2008-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

People always says babies put things in their mouths when they are teething... well, our baby boy has been putting things in his mouth since he was 5 months old but his first teeth did not pop out until he turned 9-month old. We are still waiting for his top ones to come out, but in the meantime, he surely is giving his gum good exercise... :-)

(I love the last one... he looks like he's telling you, with his actions, that "you better steer clear from my remote control or I will... lol)

check this out...

2008-01-27T12:26:00.000-08:00

Here's the video with Ian crawling... :) Remote controls and cell phones are his favorites at this point...

he's crawling... finally... :)

2008-01-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

As parents to a baby, we're often asked what milestones have our baby boy reached so far. Even though we know each baby developes differently, it is still difficult not to compare and wonder "how come Ian hasn't started done ____ or ____" And like many other milestones, crawling as been a popular question at this stage.

We were convinced early on that Ian is capable of crawling if he wants to, but he just had been lazy. He would lay flat facing down and reach out by stretching his arms far out if he wanted something but would only progress a little bit. Once he realized there was actually something else equally or almost as interesting nearby, he would conveniently reach out to the easy-way-out. We had been trying to encourage Ian to crawl but without too much success.

So, finally, he started crawling the last 2 days as if he knew how to crawl all along... He acted so fast and progressed so smoothly at times that we were shocked, when we saw him crawling finally, for the very first time.

It is truly amazing how quickly babies grow...

more pals to come...

2008-01-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

I just learned a good friend, KT, is expecting her first baby! I'm so excited to hear the news... baby Ian would have another friend in less than 4 months! :-)

Hearing about her pregnancy reminded me of my own just months ago... all the memories are flashing back altogether. With all the physical changes I experienced being a mom and witnessing the changes of my baby boy over the last 10 months, I am reminded once again life is truly a miracle and it is all because we were created by an amazing God! Praises to our Heavenly Father!

Thank God Ian slept through the night...

2008-01-22T10:21:00.000-08:00

Ian did not wake up crying and actually slept through the night last night! It's been such a long time since he did that last and given how erratic his sleeping pattern has become since our trip in Vegas during Christmas, it made this last night even more precious...

Thank God for giving me a better night of sleep - He really listens to prayers and knows I'm getting fragile with the constant sleep deprivation. God please grant me patience and kindness as Ian is going through another phrase, especially as we are entering the tax season again shortly...

the last few weeks...

2008-01-21T11:35:00.001-08:00

It has been over 3 weeks since we came back from our Las Vegas trip but Ian still had not got back to his old "sleeping through the nite" routine. We are not sure why his routine is changed... whether (a) he got used to sleeping with me during our hotel stay and he wanted company; (b) he is teething again (but we're not seeing any signs of new teeths coming out; or (c) that he is still fighting the cold so he is uncomfortable overnight with his stuffy nose. I was warned previously that we should not sleep with Ian during vacation as babies get used to things quickly and it often turns out to be a big mistake - I did not forget this warning. In fact, Ian slept alone on our first night at the hotel but then we were told "... it's too dangerous and what if he falls off the bed..." I felt guilty and ended up sleeping with him the next 2 nights... I don't know and would never know if he has become such a headache because of that... I just wish we don't have to deal with this headache...

He used to be nursed to sleep before our trip and I could just put him to his crib once he fell asleep. Yes he would probably got up once or twice overnight, but either he would fall asleep on his own shortly, or he only needed to have his beloved pacifier back in his mouth and he would be fine again. It is no longer the case as he has been fighting at the bedtime nursing these days. It would take numerous tries before he would finally nurse and when he finally falls asleeps out of exhausion, he would wake up immediately the very second I pull away my hands as I lay him in his crib; in fact, he opens his eyes wide open so promptly that, it appears as if he pretended he was asleep earlier. He would keep on crying and make his statement until we pick him up. We would try once again, rock him back to sleep and over and over again, he would wake up as soon as we put him down in his crib. With Hansson recovering from his pneumonia, I have the honor of putting my baby prince to sleep every night and it has becoming such a challenging task that, I finally broke into tears late at night when I had to try to let Ian crying it out in his crib. I felt like I am such a horrible mom ignoring Ian's pleading cry but I just don't know what I can do. I was heartbroken when I gave in after 30 minutes of letting him cry-it-out and found out he was sitting up in his crib, sobbing as he was begging for someone, just anyone... I even tried bringing him to bed to sleep with me as I could not keep getting up overnight and unsuccessfully put him back to sleep. Even that does not work at times as now Ian manages to get up from laying on his back to sitting up succesfully and once he sits up straight, he loves crawling backward (yet he still refuses to crawl forward!) into our blankets...

As every mom can attest, you will never receive as many unsolicited advice in any other stage of your life as you will once you becoming a mom. And I know they are all well intention and being a first-time mom, I treasure them dearly. But being my old self, thinking too much at times and doubting myself when I hear of opposite advice over and over again... it has been such a difficult time. I keep wondering, is my baby crying over and over because I am not doing something wrong? People told me Ian is old enough and should have learned to sleep on his own and if he hasn't already, it is time to let him cry-it-out. Then other are others saying otherwise. I feel like I'm torn and I don't know what I should do. Adding onto all these "fun" is the fact that it has become so difficult to get Ian to nap or drink his milk... and that he refuses to have any formula which I have been hoping he would try so we can wean gradually... Then others kept on commenting on how Ian is skinny compared to his peers and that he should be eating this and that instead of being forced to take his milk... I genuinely have not been refusing to take others opinion and God knows I have been trying my very best to offer him the best I can... Yes I know my best might not be good enough, and lately I feel like I'm such a failing mom... I really want to be able to relax so I can enjoy some good quality time with my beloved son too, esp. when I see his huge grin when playing with others, yet, there are so much things I need to take care of everyday. I want to see that big grin when Ian is in my arms too... I don't want to be just a mom who is only feeding and changing Ian, putting him to bed, washing bottles endlessly...

Dear Lord, please grant me patience and wisdom to do the best as Ian's mom...

I love you baby Ian... I hope you know that...

10 month old

2008-01-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

Ian turns 10-month old today - Time really flies and it seems like it was just yesterday when he was a tiny little baby who did nothing but nursing and sleeping all day. Gone are those "uneventful" days as our baby prince now is able to pull himself to stand in the playard, although he can only stand for a few seconds after a few attempts. He is still not very efficient in crawling as a typical crawler but if he wants to go after his favorite items, which include remote controls and cell phones, he would stretch himself to his full extent and advance slowly.

Ian is "talking" a lot more this week too... still murmuring "da da" often and still, I have not heard the words "ma ma"........ :(

2 more months and my baby boy will be turning 1... I am still in disbelief that I am a mom to a darling boy...

a tough week...

2008-01-10T09:24:00.000-08:00

It's been a tough week since Ian finally jumped on the bandwagon of sickness in our family last Sunday - Hansson had been coughing since the week of Christmas and after struggling to stay well over 1.5 weeks, I finally got sick too last week. Sunday morning I picked up Ian and he felt a bit hot to touch so we took his temperature and it was 100.6F. We decided to stay home and let Ian rest and during the day he was doing fine overall - he was running the lower fever but he was still cheerful enough to play and smiled as usual. But by late afternoon, he appeared to be more tired and his temperature was climbing slowly. Before bedtime, Ian's fever reached 102F and we got a bit worried, although we were told that is typical for children to run fever up to 3 days. We got up during the day to check his temperature and brought him to our bed later overnight to tend to him.

By morning his nose became quite stuffed up and he cried on and off during the day as he was having a hard time breathing. His nose got red from the constant wiping and he struggled everytime we tried to clear his nose with the syringe. As I watched him in pain, I felt so helpless and there wasn't anything I could do to help him and tears rolled down my face. He would eat his usual meals of oatmeals and fruit/vege/meat but it was difficult to get him to take much milk, I guess because of his stuffy nose. He was still running a fever during the day so we called to make a doctor's appointment for Tuesday just to be safe.

Thank God Ian was better by Tues. morning as his fever ceased overnight and he was smiling much more often and was smiling and playing more often again. We took him to the doctor's appointment and we were relieved to confirm that he had no signs of pneumonia or ear infection. We stayed home on Wednesday also and Ian was slowly getting better although he was still quite fussy when we tried to feed him in bottles. He is awfully strong for a little person and sometime in the last few days I twisted my right wrist as I was trying to hold him.

I pray that Ian will stay healthy and well so he won't be suffering any sickness anytime soon... Mommy and Daddy love you so much our baby boy...

Christmas in Las Vegas

2007-12-31T14:17:00.000-08:00

Ian had another roadtrip within a month since our LA trip after Thanksgiving - he traveled out of state this time too!

After Christmas worship service, we drove down to Las Vegas for a 4-day trip with Grandpa, Grandma and Uncle Hanon. Traffic was relatively smooth and we arrived shortly before 11pm. It was a bit of a long ride for Ian, obviously, so he was not *as* cooperative as he was during the LA trip. But overall he spent most of his time in the van checking out the scenary and napping here and there.

We spent a few hours at the Fashion outlet about 30 minutes away from the Strip on the 26th. Auntie Winnie and Uncle Gary happened to be at the outlet at that time too as they went on a trip to Vegas with his parents also.

After shopping we went back to the hotel for a short break then went on our long journey of our dinner - it took us 1.5 hours to get seated at the Bellagio buffet but the dessert was good at least... :) (sorry Mommy was too exhausted to take pictures after standing in line for sooooo long...)

On Friday we had a nice breakfast at Cafe Bellagio then finished packing up at the hotel. We made our final stop at the M&M store and the Coca-cola store before ending our Vegas trip...

Hoover Dam

2007-12-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

catching up with my cousins...

2007-12-27T13:09:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Eve we had a family gathering and it was nice seeing all the little ones around. In about 2 months Ian will have two more little cousins... how exciting! :)

Look how happy Ian was riding the Lion...

"wow... let me open this present and see what Auntie Adrienne got me..." :)

As you can see, it is a "mission impossible" to get all five of the little ones to take a picture which everyone looks at the camera... :)

another night at Yee-yee's house...

2007-12-23T22:35:00.000-08:00

We spent a nice evening at Auntie Winnie's house for an early Christmas celebration since we would be in Las Vegas on Christmas. As always, Yee-yee made us a delicious dinner of steak, lamb racks and pasta... Then after Christmas, Ian was surrounded with gifts and we took turns in opening our gifts... (more pictures to come later...)

Ian is in love with his new toy from Auntie Winnie... the snowman dances while singing Merry Christmas... :) He won't let go of him in the car! :)

Happy birthday Daddy!

2007-12-17T22:53:00.000-08:00

It was Daddy's birthday today and I got to spend my entire day with Mommy and Daddy. It was also my 9-month birthday today, hee hee. We went to take my 9-month portrait this morning and I did great today. Mommy and Daddy were proud of me as they remember how I cried immediately as the photographer tried to cheer me up for my first pose back in July. I am a big boy now! :)

I also had my 9-month well-baby checkup this afternoon and all is well. I continue to be a tall and slim baby overall but my doctor said I am doing great and kept saying I am a cute baby... how come everyone calls me a "cutie" all the time??? ;-)

We did a brief session of Christmas shopping before having dinner at Fazio, as pasta is one of Daddy's favorite. As always, I had my dinner before anyone else could eat and I was busy swinging my teething rings around that it became a weapon almost. As I got so excited with my toys I started screaming almost and I could see the pathetic smile that other diners had for Mommy and Daddy... haha... I won again...

Happy birthday Daddy - I love you...

my little gingerbread man

2007-12-02T13:32:00.000-08:00

Auntie Loretta and Auntie Kelly got Ian this very cute outfit almost 2 months for Thanksgiving, but we were never able to have Ian stayed in it for pics since he just would not cooperate whatsoever... Finally last night with the chilling weather Ian would let us put this on without major fussiness! :-)

I love this picture as both my mom and Ian were having such a genuine smile... Pao-pao is known for always having pictures taken with either her eyes closed or not smiling but now I see her happy face whenever she's taking pictures with Ian, hahahahaha...

Ian's first roadtrip

2007-11-29T11:03:00.000-08:00

Ian had his very first roadtrip during the Thanksgiving weekend. We went down to LA with Auntie Winnie for a little getaway and to see how Ian is with traveling. We decided to drive instead of flying to have more flexibility so we could make any necessary stops on our way if needed. We left home around 9; traffic was smooth overall and we arrived and checked in the hotel before 5pm. Ian did great during the ride! In fact, I think he did better than all of us, lol. :) He was having fun doing his usual gymnastic in his seat or playing peekeboo with Auntie Winnie. (Thanks again Auntie Winnie, for being such a good babysitter during our entire trip!)

We did not plan to really do anything and we ended up did not really do anything besides eating, eating and more eating. :) We had a delicious Chinese dinner (yummy crab!!!) Friday night. We spent Saturday afternoon in Little Tokyo for a tasty bowl of ramen and strolling around little shops, then we had the famous Shanghai dumplings for dinner. We went to church Sunday morning and after having dim-sum with Denise, William, Blair (who was so nice to Ian and keeping him occupied so he would not cry...) and the Fung family, we went to Santa Monica. The weather was gloomy and cold so we didn't go to the beach as we planned to but it was nice just walking around the outdoor shops. After having a delicious breakfast Monday morning, we packed and checked out the hotel before 11 and was our way home. Traffic was very smooth and again, Ian did really well during our ride and was either napping or keeping himself entertained with his toys, and we made it home before 6.

Here are some pix we took during our trip.

Now that we know Ian did well in his first trip, we are another step closer to planning our trip to visit his great-grandparents in Hong Kong next year... :)

another busy Saturday...

2007-11-19T15:07:00.000-08:00

We had another fun-filled Saturday this past weekend, which was also Ian's 8-month birthday. (Happy birthday Ian!! :) ) Ian met Auntie Hannah for the first time (who was in town for business and stayed behind for 2 days) and we spent an afternoon at Great Mall while I got more pictures of Ian...

This is my favorite picture of the day... Doesn't it look like Ian is doing Tai-chi? :-)

dining out with us...

2007-11-11T23:14:00.000-08:00

Ian is sitting really well in the booster seat now so we are able to have a somewhat peaceful lunch when he is in a good mood now. :) Here are some shoots from our Sunday lunch... He has his green beans while we have our noodle lunch...

visiting Auntie Winnie and Uncle Gary

2007-11-09T16:49:00.000-08:00

Last night we had a very yummy dinner at 姨姨 and 姨丈 and Ian had a blast there... rolling on the floor all over and playing with all the cute stuffed animals 姨姨 has. :)

You can see Ian's new pastime is now chewing on anything he can get in his hands... ;-)

an (un)attainable dream?

2007-11-06T16:37:00.000-08:00

Besides the other stuff we did over the weekend, we also had dinner with a very good friend of mine and his wife Friday night. He is transferring to our Hong Kong office (well, he'll be on an expat assignment for 2 years to be technically correct...) and was leaving Monday night. It was great catching up with them and saying our goodbyes - I was sad he would be gone but we will see each other again next November when we go home to visit our grandparents.

As we were talking about his move and all the other little things, I wonder if it would be possible for me to take on an assignment to "go home" too, which, from what I was told, is not something impossible. Going back to Hong Kong to work has always been my dream since we moved to the US in my high school years. I know Hong Kong is no longer the same place as the time I left years ago but to me, that's where my hometown is. And deep down in my heart, I know I would definitely take on such an opportunity if it is entirely up to me for making such decision. But as I now have a child and a family, it is not such an easy decision... Nevertheless, it is tempting to pursue the dream I have for so long...

a busy weekend...

2007-11-05T16:40:00.000-08:00

We had a good but filled weekend so we are all exhausted. We went to Ian's baby cousin Lauren's red-egg-and-ginger party on Saturday and it was good seeing everyone. We put Ian on his new booster seat for the first time and he sat perfectly (well, when he would agree to stay still... :)

Look at how tired he was after a long morning/early afternoon...

We stayed over at 公公婆婆's and I had fun rolling all over in the living room... :)

Sunday was our usual day at church. Soon after I finally rocked Ian asleep, Kira started crying in the nursery so Ian woke up joining her in crying... it took me another 20+ minutes to get him back to his nap when pacing around the nursery, making sure no one would come up to wake him up since he was so exhausted yet he would fight with his every tiny bit of energy trying to stay awake... Ian is becoming a lot more alert and interested in the environment that it is awfully difficult to keep him focused in napping or eating. Sometimes I would feel exhausted and didn't know what to do. I pray that God will continue to grant me patience and wisdom in dealing in every different situations...

Ian rolling over...

2007-10-31T15:21:00.000-07:00

Just a month ago I was wondering when Ian would be rolling over more smoothly as one of his hands would always be on his way, stopping him from rolling over completely. Then again, like all the little changes that happen everyday with a baby's life, he's rolling over so effortlessly now! :)

Daddy is away for work... :(

2007-10-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 days since Daddy flew to Nashville for training and it is the very first time Daddy being away since Ian was born. Mommy obviously wasn't excited about this work trip but Daddy isn't either... Thank God Daddy and Mommy both don't travel for work on regular basis.

Ian has been doing fine - he has been going to bed early the last 2 nights so he was up by 5am Monday morning. He was being good though and was entertained with his favorite teething rings while Mommy was getting his breakfast ready. This morning he slept until almost 6:30 and as usual, has a big smile as soon as he's done stretching, with his arms up and high. :)

Thanks to Grandpa and Grandma for taking us and keeping Ian entertained so Mommy has extra hands on getting everything ready on-time, not to mention keeping Mommy fed, hee hee...

Daddy we miss you - can't wait to see you in less than 65 hours! :)

my little gymnast

2007-10-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

Ian loves practiced his gymnastics in his carseat... :)

ian's first costume

2007-10-18T22:08:00.000-07:00

I got Ian his very first costume this afternoon... As I was paying at the register, the cashier asked how old my baby is and I answered 7 months. She said this would be too big for him and I said, well, I don't think this is too long as he is tall, plus there was only one size so we'll see." And boy, was I right - Ian fits in perfectly! As a matter of fact, I think he might not even fit if Halloween is another month away, lol...

Look how cute my little pumpkin is... :)

another fun ride to home...

2007-10-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm 7-month old today! This is what I do in keeping myself entertained on my rides... :)

"facts" about vaccinations...?

2007-10-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I called Kaiser to inquire the hours for their flu shot clinic since Ian's pediatrician mentioned at the 6-month well-check Ian should be vaccinated for the upcoming flu season. I did not give too much thought into questioning about the shots as I thought it is necessary and that every year I would hear a case or two in the news where infants or young children died from a flu. I know that is rare but still, that made me think it is better for Ian to get the shot than not. Later at dinner, my friend Renee happened to mention some stories about a celebrity's child was diagnosed of autism and the doctor said it was due to the high volumn of vaccines received by children according the typical childhood immunization schedule, of which before a child reaches the age of 2, he or she will have received 32 vaccinations. I have been wondering about the frequent vaccinations but as it was recommended by the doctor and I thought was required by law, I just followed the instruction. I have also been wondering about how frequent we hear about autism in the recent years as I do not recall hearing about this neurological disorder so much in the past. I didn't really put the two thoughts together in my mind for a while, but now, obviously, I'm concerned as I read online and see articles such as this one about vaccination schedule...

I know I tend to worry easily at times and everyone tells me to take it easy and I try to too... so when the doctor tells us to do this and that, I try not to worry too much and just follow - after all, she is the professional, supposedly. But as you hear stories about autism and all the other disorder that I had never heard of when I was younger, it just makes me nervous, especially Ian's health will be affected by the decisions we make... I pray that God will continue to grant us wisdom in making the right decisions for our little boy and vision in seeing what He wants us to do and follow...

Busy season is finally over...

2007-10-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

Thank God October 15th is finally behind us... Hansson and I can finally leave work on-time again, pick Ian up at daycare and spend a bit quality time together.

I felt so bad that I didn't really manage to take any pictures of Ian during this last month as I was working so much... he is growing so fast and I missed a part of it and not able to capture it for memory...

Look at our little baby is already growing into a little character... :)

ian in his new toy...jumperoo :)

2007-10-10T13:41:00.000-07:00

"this looks interesting..."

"what are you looking at?" :)

"what is this?"

"ahhh... this can turn!!!"

"i'm getting ready to jump jump jump soon..."

a few pictures at church nursery...

2007-10-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

5 year today...

2007-09-28T22:33:00.000-07:00

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary... time really flies... Although we didn't get to celebrate this special day as we are both working long hours for the October 15 tax deadline, this anniversary is still very special to us as we have Ian with us...

Years have gone by and I realize more and more everyday that we truly make up for the shortcomings of each other - we have such different personalities, yet it is those differences that make us both a better person... I am looking forward to the many many more years ahead of us as we continue to learn to love and share our lives...

I love you hansson... thanks for everything...

moving on to his room...

2007-09-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we put Ian to sleep in his room... Since he was born he slept in a bassinet in our room just a few feet away from me. By his second month, as we were both exhausted from getting up every 30 minutes or so (some nights even every 15 minutes) to put his pacifier back in his mouth in his sleep (since he would cry until it's back in his mouth), we started co-sleeping with Ian. Since we have a queen-sized bed, it was not very comfortable for the 3 of us to be sleeping in the limited space, but it was definitely a sweet, sweet time. We could hear first-hand as he laughed and cried from his dreams and feel the loving touch (and punches and kicks too!) from our baby prince. I have been trying to ignore Hansson whenever he brought up the subject of putting Ian to his room soon before he gets older and rejects the idea, but I know he was right and I could no longer put it off I guess.

Ian did great Saturday night and drifted off while I was nursing him so I put him in his crib and he woke up immediately. He did not fuss though so we turned on the mobile with some soothing sound and he was just curiously looking at it and soon fell asleep. It was strange to have all these space back but I was sad, missing my baby. He slept well until past 4 when a train passed by our house and the driver was honking his way. We went to check on him and brought him back to our bed as he was sobbing. We were very proud of how well he did on the first night.

Last night we put him in his room as he felt asleep as I nursed him and this time he was sleeping so tight that he did not wake up at all as I put him in his crib. He did cried a number of times overnight but would fall back to sleep soon after we placed the pacifier back in his mouth, or patted him lightly...
Baby Ian you are growing up so fast... already reaching a new stage of sleeping in your own room... We are so proud of you... just don't grow up tooooooo fast now... :)

a day out of mission...

2007-09-21T21:31:00.000-07:00

After struggling for the entire week to fight off this flu/cold that I caught somehow, I am finally defeated. It's been a long time since I felt this sick and exhausted, therefore I had no choice but to stay home alone so I can get some rest hoping to recover as soon as possible and won't spread it to Ian and Hansson.
I was sad as I stood in the garage seeing the car pulled away with my hubby and baby in there. It's the very first time that Ian being in the car without me by his side I think. He was staring at me the entire time but he seemed to be fine as he was playing with the teething rings. It would not be too long before he is old enough to go to places without his mommy by his side. No doubt motherhood is tough especially during the first couple months of Ian's life, but as he's getting older, I already started missing the time when he was so tiny and depending on me entirely.

After sending a few work emails out to make sure everything is in order at work, I went back to bed and slept most of the day except when I got up to pump milk. It has been a long time since I slept so much but I still felt so weak physically and maybe emotionally. Work is so demanding and with another tax deadline just 3 weeks away, I'm exhausted balancing family and work.

Today is our 14th dating anniversary... Hansson was hoping we could go out for a (quick) dinner but I was tired so we stayed home instead. Even though we did not get to celebrate, the mere fact that I got to spend just an hour with him made me happy. Thank you so much for the wonderful 14 years we have been together... I love you...

I am turning 6-month today!

2007-09-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

Time really flies - my baby prince is already half-year-old! :)

thanks to Uncle Stenske for this lovely picture - taken at his wedding by the wonderful photographer Stephanie!

returning to working life

2007-09-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

A few friends have been bugging me about not blogging since I returned to work, so I'm here... to fulfill all the requests from my fans, lol. =)

It's been 2 weeks since I returned to work - it's been a challenge and I am still struggling with adjusting to my "new/old" life. Days seem to be really long now as I get up by 5:45 to pump and after getting Ian and myself dressed, we leave home by 7. Ian would have his first meal in the car and nap the rest of the ride, on a "typical/good" day. If all goes well we arrive at daycare around 7:45 and we would then either catch the bus or drive back to downtown to work. On a perfect day I get to work at 8:30 and would leave around 5:10 to catch a bus back to daycare. I get to nurse Ian there sometimes then either (a) I'll drive back to downtown to meet Hansson and drive home, (b) go to my parents' for dinner while waiting for Hansson to get off work, or (c) going home with Hansson on Wed. & Fri. since we need to go feed Bailey. Once we're home, we need to bathe Ian asap and nurse him and when he's asleep, I would do all the washing for the bottles and pump accessories... and it'd be past 11 when it is all done.

Yesterday was a tough day and I was just drained... I am overwhelmed just to think about how this will all work when it is tax season... I tried working a bit after I was done with everything at home but I was only able to pull in an hour as I was getting too exhausted. But I know... I know that I just need to take things one day at a time - Ian will be starting solid soon as he'll turn 6 month next week and things will get easier everyone tells me. I know God is teaching me to rely on Him and Him alone with this new parenthood experience. I know it will take me sometime to adjust to be a working mom and it is not easy to return to work after staying home for 6 months, on top of all the additional responsibilities now. I am just shocked that I still am not feeling like myself after two weeks...
It doesn't make it any easier that I feel like, even though I am doing everything I do for our baby boy, I don't get to spend quality time with him much at all, that, being my usual pessimistic self, I would tear up when I could finally hold Ian in my arms for a peaceful moment before he sleeps, for some short 15 minutes or so... I guess things will get easier in a month when the last tax deadline for the year is over... Well I am really relieved that Ian seems to be well adjusted to his new life that, he is happy at daycare and I see his smile everytime I arrive after work - so happy that he would ignore my greeting :( but I guess this is a good thing for him and it gives me a peace of mind. Hopefully mommy will be adjusting to the new life soon as well as my baby boy does...

first day returning to work...

2007-08-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day returning to work after my extended maternity leave. It feels strange to be back in the office again... back to my own cubicle where I spent countless hours in which I'm not totally familiar with anymore, especially having to clean the junk that "hoteling" colleagues had left on my desk...

I miss my baby but thank God I was not too worried about him as he seems to like the daycare... I can't wait to hold him again after work...

Two more days... (or one...)

2007-08-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

It is hard to believe it has been six months since I started my maternity leave and I am returning to work this Thursday (or tomorrow as my work is trying to get me in a day early all of a sudden...) I have been counting down my days. Overall, I don't believe I am looking forward to going back to work but I guess part of me would appreciate some structure in my life again, as days at home with Ian is not so predictible especially schedule-wise, although, I can imagine how hard it will be not able to see my baby and how much I will miss him. He is becoming more active now and starting to roll over and interacting with us more and more. I know very soon he'll be babbling more and will be crawling and talking before we know it. It makes me sad that I won't be able to be the one to seeing all Ian's cute "baby first times". But I just remind myself that I am working in order to provide a better environment for Ian and I praise the Lord that Ian will be in good hands at Aunt Cai's daycare. I am nervous about long hours that I will have to return to soon. Please pray for our family as we transit to our new schedule.

the sweetest laugh I've ever heard...

2007-08-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

Today Ian burst into this soft laughter in his nap while I was holding him... and just not once but twice! It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen and I wish I could videotape or take a picture to capture this special moment. But that was impossible since I was home alone and putting him down would mean waking him up...
With my deteriorating memory... I hope I can still remember this special moment twenty years from today... :) I love you Ian...

is he forgetting me??

2007-08-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

Weather was gorgeous today and I had a good lunch with Winnie and Kitty. I was even able to squeeze in an hour nap. But as I went to pick up Ian from daycare later in the afternoon, I was heartbroken when he turned away as I waved and said hi to him. Unlike the last two time I left him at daycare, he would give me a big sweet smile as I returned and he heard my voice. Even as Auntie Cai kept on saying "... Mama is here... why don't you look at mama?..." I thought to myself, "Is he forgetting me already? This is only the 3rd day of sending him to daycare and it was only 4pm when I arrived... A week from today I would be returning to work and the earliest I would be able to get to him is 5:30 or so, even if I leave work at 5pm sharp... It seems like the people around me think I am overreacting about this little incident... well, maybe I am. And I told myself, I was really worried about Ian not getting used to the daycare environment before, but so far he seems to be adjusting fine and I thank God for listening to our prayers. So, as long as he is being well cared while I am away, I should be grateful and relieved, and I am... It's only that... I guess I am the one having the separation anxiety...

another day at daycare...

2007-08-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

So Ian went to Auntie Cai for the second time today and she said he did great. I bottlefed him around 7 then he went back to sleep during the ride and woke up as we arrived. Daddy headed to work and he was smiling and playing a little as we chatted with him. Around 9 he ate again then as he was falling asleep I left, so he could have a day without me around the house. I went to get some breakfast and did some grocery shopping at Safeway before heading to my parents'. I thought I would be able to take a capnap maybe but there were little things to get done so I barely was able to finish everything before leaving to pick Ian up. As I was driving and merged onto 19th Avenue, I heard some strange sound from the back of the car so I pulled out when I got to a safe spot. I thought it was just the many items bumping in the trunk, so I pulled off again as I couldn't find anything. But the noise would not go away so I pulled over again. I checked the bottom of the car and did not see anything... I was a bit panic and called my father-in-law trying to get help and he, of course, as always, came to rescue. As I was waiting for him I saw a couple of small piece of plastic bags sticking on the back wheel but I did not think it was the cause... well it was the cause... I was glad that there was nothing wrong with the car mechanically but I felt bad about having my FIL driving over for nothing... Well, to make myself feel better, they got to visit Ian's daycare afterward so that's a bonus for them I guess, lol.

5-month old today

2007-08-17T15:50:00.000-07:00

Happy 5-month birthday Ian! Ian now weighs 13 pounds 13 ounces and has doubled his birth weight. He is smiling more and more now, getting more responsive to us when we sing him silly songs and making silly faces, and laughing out loud at times. He had rolled over from his tummy to his back a couple of times. (Too bad I wasn't able to capture the Kodak moments myself as he refused to demostrate again (as usual) when I was able to get the camera set up properly...)

I guess he was a bit tired still recovering from his cold and his first day at the daycare yesterday, so he was napping on and off throughout the day. Look how sweet he is in his beauty sleep... and his growing fist and little foot :)

Ian's first day at daycare

2007-08-16T22:14:00.000-07:00

Today Ian went to daycare for the very first time and he did well overall. We left home early and Ian was sleeping through most of the ride. The daycare lady, Auntie Cai, bottle-fed Ian shortly after 8 and placed him on the bouncer seat after feeding so he would have some time to digest while he watched the other boy playing Lego. He got sleepy soon and Auntie Cai tried to put him to crib to sleep on his own but it didn't work as I expected. He was clearly tired and was ready to sleep but he just fought to keep his eyes half-opened. After several attempts, I took out a pacifier and as soon as it was popped into his mouth he felt asleep. As usual his nap was brief but I was relieved he seemed to be doing fine and did not cry much. He would watch others to play then nap a little after feeding. I went out to have a quick lunch with Kitty and came back within an hour. After getting all the paperwork completed around 2PM, we called it a day and went to 公公婆婆's house to spend the rest of our day.

Obviously I was quite anxious about his first day as I heard some daycare actually would refuse a baby if he would not cooperate and cry nonstop. Praise the Lord He answers our prayers and Ian appeared to be fine with the daycare lady. Ian will be going to daycare again 2 more days next week before I return to work on Thursday of the following week. I think Ian will get used the new environment as everyone tells me... it's probably me the one who will need more time to get used to working life again, rather than spending my days and nights with my baby...

This is Finley... one of the two other kids at the daycare...

just chilling out...

2007-08-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

Just a few pictures from last Saturday when we just chilled out at 爺爺嫲嫲's house...

Finally a precious picture with Uncle Hanon holding Ian not crying, hahaha... (see 爺爺嫲嫲... Ian loves 叔叔 too :)

with Auntie Sindra...

Ian watching us playing board game...

"... when is my turn...?" :)

Ian is not feeling well

2007-08-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

As we put Ian to bed Monday night we noticed Ian having nasal congestion and started to have a bit of runny nose. We tried using the "bulb"(a rubber device used to suck out mucous from the nose, which he dislikes very much) to help him but he is still uncomfortable. Finally I rocked him asleep but I could clearly hear that he's not breathing in ease. Throughout the night he was not sleeping tight and as I checked on him again around 3, he was hot to touch and as we checked his temperature , it turned out to be 101F. We got so nervous and I immediately called the overnight pediatrics hotline and the nurse told her to give him Tylenol, put lukewarm cloth on him, dress him lightly, and monitor him continuously overnight. I was able to rock him asleep soon but he would cry the second I put him down. After numerous attempts I gave up and decided to just hold him to sleep on the rocking chair. I put a pillow above my lap to make sure Ian would not fall off from my arms when I fell asleep myself. The next morning his fever was lowered to just 99F and we breathed with relief. He continued to be a bit fussy mainly due to his congestion, but I was glad at least I still could see his smile occasionally when we tried to make silly face to him.

It appears he's getting better slowly though he is still having a stuffy nose. I know this is just his very first colds and that there will be many other minor illnesses in the future, but it does not make it any easier to watch my baby struggling even just to breathe. I never knew I can love someone this much and it truly is heart-aching to watch him in sickness and I wish I were the one suffering instead...

lunch with Grandma

2007-08-09T17:19:00.000-07:00

婆婆 came to visit us yesterday and is staying with us for a couple of days in helping Mom to (hopefully) get some chores done before returning to work. We took a little break this afternoon for lunch... Time really flies - my cutie pie really is growing up and he probably will be able to sit without the Bumbo in no time...

napping on his own...

2007-08-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today is an exciting day for me as Ian fell asleep on his own for the very first time. We went out a short walk before noon and when we got home I put him in the playard bassinet while I made myself a quick lunch. He was fussing a bit and soon started crying as usual, wanting me to carry him, so I gave him a pacifier. He quieted down almost immediately and I tip-toed over to check on him every few minutes. After just five minutes or so, he felt asleep! I was so happy when I saw that... I went upstairs to do some cleaning after eating and again I went to check on him a little while later and I realized his right eye was 1/4 opened... as soon as I walked away from the playard he started crying so I had to pick him up.

I nursed him shortly after and after burping him, I tried leaving him in his crib with the musical mobile on. He was again fussing a little and I slowly and quietly left the room with the door mostly closed, and after about 10 minutes, he was asleep on his own again! I couldn't believe it and I rushed to get my camera for a photo of this great achievement!

Well only after 15 minutes or so he started crying and as usual he cried more hysterically with time. I have been told over and over I should not be picking Ian up every time he cries, but I just couldn't stand seeing his pitiful face and his trembling voice as. As we are counting down to the final weeks of my maternity leave however, I guess I have to try harder in getting Ian used to spending time alone in the crib and self-entertaining himself before he falls asleep. So quietly, I looked in his room through into the tiny opening at the door to make sure he's okay. It was really difficult to ignore his crying and I felt like crying myself... Finally after twenty-some minutes, he fell asleep out of exhausion I guess, and I breathed a sign of relief. The relief was not long-lasting though as he kept on waking up every 15 minutes or so... Letting Ian cry it out is very painful for me, but I guess we have to try to get him used to it as he would be at daycare soon and no one would be holding him every time he cries like mommy does...

on a Bumbo...

2007-08-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

Ian is beginning to sit up... with assistance... :) He gets lazy if we just put him on the sofa leaning towards the back as he'll just slide along the back himself gradually, so we bought this Bumbo thing to help him position himself...

first wedding banquet

2007-08-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

Ian went to his first wedding banquet on Saturday and it was fun. Well, gone were the days when Ian would sleep through dinners, so we had to take turns to eat while one held Ian. But Ian enjoyed his time by looking around, smiling at others, and drooling while others ate... well, until we were getting ready to leave, when he was getting hungry and started to cry hysterically... to the extent a security guard came out to check why there was a baby screaming in a stroller in Financial District at 10PM... :)

barbeque party

2007-07-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

It was granduncle Kei's birthday barbeque party yesterday and we spent a few hours at the Coyote Point Park. It was a sunny day although it was really windy. We were only able to stay for a couple of hours and finally left early as Ian was getting fussy.

first studio photos...

2007-07-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today we took Ian to get his first portraits done at a studio. We fed him an hour prior to his appointment in hoping he would not have the spit-up situation during the photo session but it turned out it was not the spitting that it was challenging.

He looked happy and was smiling while we were waiting but as soon as the photographer cooed at him for the first photo, he started crying and we had to kept soothing him. When the photographer told us to put Ian on his tummy we told her given he was not in a great mood we were not sure if he would cooperate since he does not like to be on his tummy much usually. Again he surprised us and did the best with the photos on his tummy, but we were not able to get much further other than that. We probably got 10 minutes of photo-shooting time altogether with our one hour appointment. We were a little disappointed about not able to get more of the planned family photos taken, but it turned out we still got a nice one done. Given how expensive those prints are and how difficult it was to overcome the temptation of ordering every poses of our little boy, we thank God for Ian starting to cry in minimizing our struggles. :)

These are my favorites ones... isn't our baby prince adorable... =)

Visiting Granduncle, Grandaunt, Auntie Joanna and the cousins...

2007-07-23T21:16:00.000-07:00

Today Ian went to visit Granduncle, Grandaunt, Auntie Joanna and cousin Ryan, Ally, and Rachel. We also met little Eli and his mommy Minette. Too bad everyone was taking naps at different time so we weren't able to take one cute pictures with four little cousins together as we hope we could... Nevertheless, it was fun to see the kids running around the house. God is good to our families... Thank you Lord.

Ian turns 4-month old today!

2007-07-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

Happy 4-month birthday, my dear! =) It's hard to believe our baby boy was born 4 month ago already... Today we took Ian to his 4-month well checkup and had the second course of a series of vaccine shots again. Our pediatrician said Ian is growing well and he now weighs 12 lb 14 oz and he is 25 inches tall. Before the appointment, Ian was enjoying the time playing the teething rings and checking himself in the mirror...

Look at our brave little boy... he was screaming from the top of his lungs as the pediatric nurse injected the needles into his thighs for the various shots, then as soon as she was done, he stopped crying and quiet down... Poor little Ian was still sobbing for a minute until he fell asleep...

Thank God this time he was not as fussy as he was after the 2-month shots... he wanted to be held as he was falling asleep and did wake up quite easily but he was doing better... Amen!

the day is coming soon...

2007-07-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

For the last few days I have been in contact with my firm's HR about my return date for work and so far it has not been finalized yet. As I am working on a confirmed date of which I would be leaving Ian for work finally after an extended maternity leave, the thought really saddens me. Of course I knew that day would come and I am grateful we were able to squeeze into our savings and managed to stay home with baby Ian for a much longer period than I originally thought we could. I knew it is simply impossible for me to stay-at-home and for us to live off just one income as we live in one of the most expensive area of the US. And I know, it is just the sacrafice I have to make now to give my child a more steady environment to grow for the years to come. Nevertheless, when a brother at church casually asked me "so you are okay to part from your baby for work?" my heart still sank and answered, "well, I'm not but we have no choice..." My heart aches as I think about the fact that someone else but me would be the fortunate one who would be able to witness Ian's many precious "first-times" to come - the first baby words, the first steps...

I have been thinking about how to transit Ian from exclusive breastfeeding to bottle-feeding gradually, so I ordered a book online to read on the best way of doing so. The book arrived yesterday and I started reading late last night as Ian was asleep. As I read onto the following part, I began to realize why it has been so difficult for me to hand Ian off to others...

"... the most important benefit of breastfeeding is that day after day it confirms that she (mother) is irreplaceable to her baby. Most women who decide to breastfeed do so for their babies' sakes. Only later do they discover that it's good for them, too. For working mothers, breastfeeding is a friend, a constant ally against the anxiety that comes from having to leave their babies in someone else's care for most of the day, and wondering if they are good-enough mothers... And when you pick up the baby and nurse at the end of a workday, you and he are immediately a couple again. There is no "getting to know you again" period for a working mother and her nursing baby." ~ from Nursing Mother, Working Mother

I was determined to breastfeed my baby for at least six months before Ian was born, and breastfeeding was very challenging for me for the first few weeks. With Ian's very frequent spit-up and crying often during the first few weeks, as I heard families asking "is he having enough to eat?... is that why he's crying again?..." over and over, I began to doubt if I was being too stubborn in insisting to breastfeed Ian, especially when people around me kept saying formula is just as good since their children were not breastfed and they turned out just fine... I decided to continue even though it was painful and inconvenient because I believe that's the best for Ian. And even now, after almost 4 months, it is still difficult at times. I have been thinking about whether I should continue to breastfeed as I go back to work and I decided unless I could not keep up with his need with my best effort, I would aim for a few more months., so we can avoid formula altogether. To the extent I can, I want to give Ian the best and I long for the assurance that I am providing something to Ian that only I can provide...

Being a first-time mom and someone who does not have very high self-confidence, emotionally it has been really difficult for me to have others taking Ian away from my arms, especially when he was crying. I feel like it is as if I am told I am incompetent in doing something a mom should be able to do (i.e. soothing my own child) and that my baby is not feeling comfortable being in mommy's arms, that he would prefer to be with someone else instead... as if I were replaceable... I know I might be reading too much into a simple act of my boy but that thought hurts me deeply. I know I would need to get over these "silly" thoughts as more challenges would be ahead of me when I return to work and I would be spending less time with my baby... I pray to our Heavenly Father that He would grant me the strength to overcome the many challenges ahead of us...

Mommy loves you so much Ian...

cute expressions...

2007-07-09T14:00:00.001-07:00

more pictures...

2007-07-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

another few pictures that I love... Thanks to Terence this time... :)

my favorite family picture for now...

2007-07-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Adriel, I've got a favorite picture taken with my loving hubby and my dear son, at the summer retreat...

my favorite picture for now... until another comes along, hee hee.. :)

first picnic

2007-07-05T16:45:00.000-07:00

Ian had his first picnic yesterday... we went to the barbecue that Aunt Susanna and Aunt Wendy organized and it was a lovely day...

Our first summer retreat with Ian

2007-07-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

We took Ian to his very first church summer retreat this past weekend and it was also his first trip and he did great overall. Traffic was not bad at all. We left home around 5pm on Friday and it took us about 3.5 hours to get to the motel where we stayed. We thought it would be too tough to stay at Silver Spur campsite this year with Ian being so little.

While I was sitting on a bench by the main door Saturday afternoon, I realized all of a sudden how much my life has changed over the years - many years of our summer retreats were held at Silver Spur and I went through high school, college, began my work life, then marriage, and now with a baby son through each of these past summers. I remember all the late night snack we enjoyed and silly laughs we had at the dining area, all the chats I had with brothers and sisters that we just talked about anything... and how I miss the many brothers and sisters that I grew up with who are no longer in our church now...

I know God has His timing in everything and I can only pray and be patient. On the other hand, I'm reminded during this past weekend that, how blessed I am... God loves me for who I am and I have loving families, a wonderful husband and an adorable son, a job and a home... I am truly blessed. Thank you Lord...

Ian is starting to grab things...

2007-07-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

sorry the video is little long... never know when he would actual have an "action" as i filmed.. :p Be patient...

my sweet nap...

2007-06-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

napping with my favorite stuff animal, Winnie the Pooh... :)